The Price Paid for My Dream—The Heart’s Voice of a Guest Worker Abroad

The Price Paid for My Dream—The Heart’s Voice of a Guest Worker Abroad

Lin Liang, Japan

A Word of My Child Distressed and Saddened Me

One day in December of 2016, I opened the computer as ever, preparing to have a webcam chat with my child. After it connected, my mother-in-law pointed at me and said to my child, “This is your dad. Call him quickly.” However, she avoided the webcam, unwilling to see me. Then my mother-in-law tried again to persuade her to chat with me, and I also called her in front of the screen. But suddenly, my child said, “No, I don’t know him.” At the moment when I heard that, I was stunned. I simply felt my nose twitched and tears nearly started falling. Fearing that my family would notice, I tried to be casual about it, saying, “No matter; maybe next time.”

After finishing the webcam chat, I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. It had never occurred to me that my three-year-old child actually said such a word as “I don’t know him.” In that instant, I felt really grieved. In order to create a happy life for my family, however hard my work and however great the pressure, I had never cried. But today, my child’s word … her word shattered my dream, and I felt these two years of hardship and toil became totally meaningless. At that time, lying on the bed, I feebly thought back on every bit of these years …

Recall the Time When I Came to Japan With Dream

I don’t know when, and there arose a craze for working abroad in my hometown. Seeing my relatives and some friends around me had earned some money through working in Japan, I was unable to resist the temptation, thinking to myself, “I’m no worse than them. Moreover, I have a skill. I need only to endure hardships, and I will surely make a fortune after several years of struggling. Meanwhile, as a man, it’s my responsibility to give my family a happy life.” So, after discussing with my family members, I chose to work abroad.

In May of 2014, I had made all the arrangements for it. Then, with my family and friends’ expectations for me, I boarded a plane to Japan. Looking at the blue sky through the cabin window, I was extremely excited. It was the first time that I fought abroad for my dream. I thought: As long as I’m willing to work hard and manage to repay the housing loan in a year, then I will be able to save money beginning from the second year. Afterward, I can buy some storefronts for rent or to start a restaurant business myself. Gradually, our life will become happier and happier.

Two hours later, the plane arrived at Hiroshima Airport. I was dumbfounded immediately as soon as I landed. The surrounding men all spoke Japanese, and I couldn’t understand any of their words. It was not until I saw my boss at the exit that I breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing my boss drive a BMW to pick me up, I was somewhat excited, thinking that my working place should also be good since the boss was so rich. At that time, those flourishing and bustling cities, like Osaka, Kobe, Nagoya, began to flicker in my mind, dazzling and inimitably brilliant. What will my working place be like? I suppose it, at the very least, should be a building with hotel suites. … I was dreaming excitedly in the car.

So Great Was the Distance Between Dream and Reality

After an hour and a half or so, my boss told me with gestures that in front of us was the city where I would work. Looking up at everything around me, I didn’t see the expected high buildings or flourishing cities of feasting and revelry. Instead, the street grew constantly narrower so that I just felt myself entering a remote county town. At this time, my heart sank. When the car stopped, I was stunned. I was greeted by a store over 100 square meters. Is this the place where I’ll realize my dream? I was at a loss whether to cry or to laugh, but I had to face the reality. After I was settled, I was informed that I would be paid only 180,000 yen every month. Excluding the rent, living expenses, the utilities, and other miscellaneous expenses, there would be not much left. At that moment, a sudden chill overcame me. However, thinking that I left home with my family’s expectations and with high aspirations, in order for my family to live a happy life, I determined to keep it up anyhow.

After coming to work, because I did not know Japanese, many problems in my work and life defied solution. I was thus very worried. I couldn’t understand what others said nor make myself understood. These practical difficulties I confronted pained me a little. What’s more, seeing the goods in supermarkets were all priced at a few hundred or over one thousand yen, even a handful of leeks priced over one hundred yen, I felt more distressed. I often pedaled my bicycle, traveling long distances, just for finding cheaper ones. When resting from my labors, I would take food home from restaurants, and then simply make some noodles for dinner. At times, having worked hard for a whole day, I had no appetite and didn’t feel inclined to eat after a few mouthfuls of food. Occasionally, when I was busy with work, I even missed meals. My weight was reduced by 10 kilograms in two months. Later, I began to have a stomachache. Sometimes I suffered so much that sweat dripped from my face; yet I could only grit my teeth and persevere. In order to earn more money, I usually worked overtime. Having stood for over ten hours every day, I was so tired that I had a sore back. Moreover, as time went by, the veins in my legs became swollen and painful. Despite working like hell and living frugally, I still failed to earn much money when half a year was over. I hence got somewhat discouraged: If this continues, I will be unable to repay the debts, not to mention living a happy life. The language barrier, the pressure of being in debt, and bodily discomfort—all of this assailed me with pain and depression. Many a time I was desirous to return home, but whenever I thought of my child to be born soon and my wife full of hope for me, as well as the debts to be paid, I had no choice but to grit my teeth and carry on with the work.

For My Child’s Sake, I Expended With Willingness

In November of 2014, my child was born and I was finally a dad. I felt exceedingly excited, itching to fly back home to see her and keep my wife company. However, as a new worker here, I didn’t have a vacation to go back yet. Therefore, I could only bury my yearning for them in my heart and stay here to continue making money. After my child was born, I watched her photos every day and felt myself full of juice. I told myself that I had to strive to earn money so she could grow up happily and joyfullysince birth. Hence, I requested to work overtime on my own initiative. The boss said I would break down if I went on like this, but I thought it was nothing for me to suffer the pain and exhaustion, as long as I could earn money. Thus, from the time when my child was born until when she was able to creep and then to walk, never had I gone back. In this way, I had been striving hard for my dream and never stopped my steps. But today, when she said, “I don’t know him,” I really felt all the painstaking effort I had made appeared meaningless. All the price I had paid actually brought me pain and no happiness to anyone, including myself.

Reflections After My Child’s Word Striking My Heart

In the following days, my child’s word echoed inside my head every day. Besides, my wife also blamed me for not having accompanied her when she needed me most. Thinking back, since I came to Japan, my thoughts were all fixed on how to earn money and my heart was entangled with sundry cumbersome things, such that I was in no mood to consider my family’s feelings at all. But I, as a husband and a father, had done my utmost to give my family a good life. There was nothing wrong with what I did, but why such a result of today? I felt myself limp and weak, losing my life direction. Just then, I was told by my colleague that our store would change hands. The news hit me like another thunderbolt out of a clear sky. Can I continue to work here when we have a new boss? My work visa will expire before long; can I extend it? If not, I will have no choice but to return home. What should I do then? All of this was beyond my control, and I suddenly felt somewhat at a loss. Only then did I perceive the fact that actually I merely possessed dreams, but nothing more, and I could control nothing in actual life.

One day in January of 2017, as I was surfing We Chat, feeling bored, a friend who believed in God sent a message to me and asked what had become of me. Thereupon we started to talk and I poured all my distress out. Then my friend asked me, “What have you gained in the process of obsessively pursuing happy life? And what have you lost? Even though your dream comes true, will you feel real happiness?” My friend’s questions spoke to my heart instantly. It is true! I work so desperately, but what have I got? And what have I lost? In these three years I have skimped and saved, worked overtime, and thus got some money in return. Nonetheless, my health has been deteriorating. I have lost health and missed the chance of accompanying my family, and my life has also become increasingly stressful. Now even my own child disowns me. Over these past few years, I not only fail to obtain happiness but have been plunged into deeper misery.

Our Fate Rests With the Creator

One day, a sister sent me a passage of God’s word through Skype, which says, “Most people wish they could work less and earn more, not to toil in the sun and rain, dress well, glow and shine everywhere, tower above others, and bring honor to their ancestors. People’s desires are so perfect, but when people take their first steps in the journey of their lives, they gradually come to realize how imperfect human destiny is, and for the first time they truly grasp the fact that, though one can make bold plans for one’s future, though one may harbor audacious fantasies, no one has the ability or the power to realize his or her own dreams, no one is in a position to control his or her own future. There will always be some distance between one’s dreams and the realities that one must confront; things are never as one would like them to be, and faced with such realities people can never achieve satisfaction or contentment. Some people will even go to any length imaginable, will put forth great efforts and make great sacrifices for the sake of their livelihoods and future, in attempt to change their own fate. But in the end, even if they can realize their dreams and desires by means of their own hard work, they can never change their fates, and no matter how doggedly they try they can never exceed what destiny has allotted them. Regardless of differences in ability, IQ, and willpower, people are all equal before fate, which makes no distinction between the great and the small, the high and the low, the exalted and the mean. What occupation one pursues, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one amasses in life are not decided by one’s parents, one’s talents, one’s efforts or one’s ambitions, but are predetermined by the Creator.” When reading this passage, I could not help saying, “These words, they describe me.” I compared this to my experience: I once had many thoughts of future before I came to Japan. I panned to pay off the loan in a year, so that I could sock a little money away in the second year. Then our life would become better and better, and I would be able to hold my head high when returning home in the future. However, only after I came to Japan did I realize that many things in real life were beyond my control. I bore hardships, worked hard, studied Japanese seriously, and tried my best to do well in everything. But regardless of how hard I strived, compared with the goal in my heart, there was always some way to go. Three years have passed yet I still fail to get out of debt. Today I finally know the reason why there is always a gap between my dream and reality. It is because that we man cannot determine our own fate and it is God who rules and arranges everything in reality. So, what kind of future we will have, whether we are rich or not—all of this has been predestined by God and can’t be decided by our own striving. Without God’s blessings, no matter how hard we try and how great our ambitious desires are, we are still unable to realize our wishes. After understanding these, I suddenly felt much more relieved.

Looking at the Old Man Near Me, What Did I, in My 30s, Have?

One day, I looked at an employee of our store, an old man in his sixties, who was in good health and quite agile in work. I took a look at him, and then saw myself, thinking: I’m just over thirty years old, but have a great many health problems and cannot compare with him in mental condition. I cannot imagine what I will be like when I’m sixty. As I thought of this, I became suddenly aware that if I didn’t know God’s sovereignty, I would go into my own notions and imaginations and trust to my own struggles, thereby exerting plenty of additional pressure on myself. Besides, working and living in such a state for long would ultimately bring great harm to my mind and body.

Obeying God’s Sovereignty Is the Only Way for Me to Bid Farewell to Sufferings

Afterward, I read another passage, “If one’s attitude toward God’s sovereignty over human fate is active, then when one looks back upon one’s journey, when one truly comes to grips with God’s sovereignty, one will more earnestly desire to submit to everything that God has arranged, will have more of the determination and confidence to let God orchestrate one’s fate, to stop rebelling against God. For one sees that when one does not comprehend fate, when one does not understand God’s sovereignty, when one gropes forward willfully, staggering and tottering, through the fog, the journey is too difficult, too heartbreaking. So when people recognize God’s sovereignty over human fate, the smart ones choose to know it and accept it, to bid farewell to the painful days when they tried to build a good life with their own two hands, instead of continuing to struggle against fate and pursue their so-called life goals in their own manner. … Only when one accepts the Creator’s sovereignty, submits to His orchestrations and arrangements, and seeks true human life, will one gradually break free from all heartbreak and suffering, shake off all the emptiness of life.” In retrospect, at the beginning I was firmly convinced that I could create a good life with my own two hands, and also had various thoughts and plans of my own life. For the sake of attaining my ideal, I pinched and scraped, and worked away day and night. From the time my child was born up to now, I had never once carried her in my arms. Notwithstanding all the sacrifices I had made, I failed to earn money, but had a lot of health problems instead. Moreover, I was far apart from my wife and unable to enjoy the warmth of my family. Faced with all of this, I was overwhelmed with depression and pain. Through reading God’s words, I came to understand that all the pain was caused by my not knowing God’s sovereignty, disobedience to God, and casting off God’s predestination insistently by my own ability. After knowing all this, I didn’t want to put too much pressure on myself any longer, nor would I persist in additionally earning more money. I should put aside my own ambitious desires and plans to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and experience God’s sovereignty over my fate under His guidance and leadership.

My Life Gets Released and Free, and I Have a New Life Direction

When I began to work by following the prescribed routine, had a rest when I was supposed to, and ceased to overwork, the money I got each month was not reduced for that. More unexpectedly, something came up later, because of which I, accidentally, succeeded in renewing my visa two months earlier than usual. It seemed quite impossible to me, but God accomplished this fact. Afterward, when I thought back the process of these things carefully, I sensed that these things going so smoothly was beyond my control; it was God who ruled over and arranged the surrounding people, affairs, and things. This made me feel that it is truly a wise choice to obey God’s sovereignty and arrangements.

Thanks be to God! These days, when resting from my labors, in addition to attending gatherings, reading God’s word, and speaking heart-to-heart with the brothers and sisters, I also watch the movies, videos, and articles of experiential testimonies uploaded by brothers and sisters to chat groups. Especially, an experience article “God’s Love Guided Me Out of the Vortex of Money” written by a sister from the United States impressed me deeply. Her experience was exactly a mirror of mine. The pursuit of wealth and a better life, arrogant ambition to transgress God’s sovereignty and orchestrations—what they had brought to me was nothing but endless heartbreak and suffering. Man’s fate is in God’s hands. It’s wrong for us man to depend on our own efforts to go after money desperately. This is Satan’s plot of enticing us to head for destruction. Now, I am able to live a church life in the Church. Under the guidance of God’s words, I smile more and more. Also, I no longer lead a life of excessive austerity as before. More to the point, through reading many articles of experiential testimonies written by the brothers and sisters, I have received great inspiration. Seeing that they have new views about everything happening beside them under the guidance of God’s word, and can find in God’s word solutions to the difficulties they encounter, I hope that in the course of my future life, when I face some difficulties, I can also be guided by God’s word, so that I can have a deeper understanding of God’s work and the road ahead can become clearer to me. I am thankful to God for bringing a new change to my life.

Jesus Christ is God Himself. The Holy Father, the Holy Son, and the Holy Spirit, They are One. We can know from the bible verses, the Lord Jesus said, “he that has seen me has seen the Father….” (John 14:9) “I am in the Father, and the Father in me….” (John 14:10) “I and my Father are one” (John 10:30).