How to Build Healthy Interpersonal Relationships?

How to Build Healthy Interpersonal Relationships?

Yang Yin

In the modern society, the relationship among people gets more and more variable. Sometimes because a word or an act of someone who has a very good relationship with us is incompatible with our thoughts, we will immediately turn on that person, getting into an embarrassing situation. When such matters happen to us, we are often taken by surprise and don’t know how to face and solve them.

I have partnered my colleague Xiaolin in work for half a year. Since I am relatively familiar with business and have accumulated more experience, Xiaolin often turns to me if she has something difficult in work. And I am willing to teach her. One afternoon, she gladly showed me her newly finished scheme. When seeing there were something that did not accord with my former proposal, I was angry and felt that she didn’t show respect for me at all. Thinking of this, the more I looked at her scheme, the angrier I became. And I thought her scheme had shortcomings here and there, while my suggestions were better. Then I couldn’t restrain myself from modifying her scheme. Seeing my conduct, Xiaolin came up to me and asked: “I think they are OK. Why did you change them?” At her words, I became very impatient in my heart. However, when thinking of my belief in God, I realized I should have love for others rather than became angry at will, so I forcedly controlled my temper. Nonetheless, I still couldn’t help but speak to her with a corrective tone: “Here is an obvious mistake…. Haven’t I told you how to correct it before?” Xiaolin stood riveted and kept silent; I thought my opinions were so wise that she couldn’t catch them. Consequently, I didn’t respond to her, but still lowered my head, and continued to change her scheme attentively.

During the meal, when noticing that Xiaolin darkened her face and didn’t speak with me, I felt as if a needle suddenly pricked my heart. I abruptly realized that I had revised her scheme without her approval. In addition, when she asked me the reason, I showed much impatience and directly told her that she was wrong. In fact, I hadn’t thought over whether or not she was wrong, but instead immediately denied her scheme. Ah! My action and tone were both wrong. In the face of the sudden frozen relationship between Xiaolin and me, I was somewhat helpless: I have been a believer in God. However, when getting on with others, once what others said or did was discordant with my thoughts, I would become angry and teach others lessons, only hurting others inadvertently. Did I have the likeness of a believer in God? At that time, I felt very perplexed: With such a bad temper, I really don’t know how to get along well with others.

After getting home at night, I lay down on the bed and couldn’t fall asleep anyhow. Then I spoke my difficulty to God. In my pursuits, it struck me that a few days ago, a sister shared with me a passage of God’s words and a passage of man’s fellowship, “Once a man has status, he will often find it difficult to control his mood, and so he will enjoy seizing upon instances to express his dissatisfaction and vent his emotions; he will often flare up into rage for no apparent reason, so as to reveal his ability and let others know that his status and identity are different from those of ordinary people. Of course, corrupt people without any status will also frequently lose control. Their anger is frequently caused by damage to their individual benefits. In order to protect their own status and dignity, corrupt mankind will frequently vent their emotions and reveal their arrogant nature.” “There are some people who are unable to coordinate with anyone else while fulfilling their duty. No one can get close to them; this reveals their arrogance and conceit, that they don’t have any human sense, are not aware of themselves, and look down on others. Isn’t this pitiful? The disposition of this type of human does not change at all, and it’s not easy to say if they can be saved by God. People who truly know themselves can treat other people correctly without being too critical. They can also patiently help and support others, make people feel that they are dear and beloved; they can have proper relationships with others. They are people with humanity…”

These words made me suddenly awaken: Actually when others and I disagreed with a single word, my speech and actions were dominated by my arrogant nature. Just as today when Xiaolin didn’t amend the scheme according to my proposal, I was on fire with rage, feeling that she had no regard at all for me, and that what I said was good and right and certainly should be adopted. I wanted to let others obey me, which were the manifestation of megalomania and the revelation of my arrogant disposition! In the past, I didn’t recognize my corrupt nature. Instead, I merely paid attention to restraining my temper and actions, so that the root of the problem was not solved. Therefore, given the right environment, I would involuntarily reveal arrogance in my words and actions, which not only hurt others but also distressed myself.

The next day, during my spiritual devotions, I saw another passage of God’s words: “God created man, breathed life into him, and also gave him some of His intelligence, His abilities, and what He has and is. After God gave man all of these things, man was able to do some things independently and think on his own. If what man comes up with and does is good in the eyes of God, then God accepts it and does not interfere. If what man does is right, then God will just let it be that way for good. So what does the phrase ‘whatever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof’ indicate? It suggests that God did not make any amendments to the names of the various living creatures. Whatever name Adam called it, God would say ‘Yes’ and register the name as is. Did God express any opinions? No, that’s for sure. So what do you see here? God gave man intelligence and man used his God-given intelligence to do things. If what man does is positive in the eyes of God, then it is affirmed, acknowledged, and accepted by God without any evaluation or criticism. This is something no person or evil spirit, or Satan, can do. … Of the disposition God reveals, there is not the slightest ounce of disagreement, arrogance, or self-rightness. That is abundantly clear here.” Seeing this passage of words, I was much moved. Adam was only a creation in God’s hands and his intelligence was also from God. When God saw that Adam used his God-given intelligence to name the living creatures, He approved of it and didn’t alter or criticize. God is so supreme, but He doesn’t assume a high and mighty position, nor does He force man to listen to Him. God’s dispositions of humbleness and hiddenness are too beautiful and lovable. I was only a person deeply corrupted by Satan, was of equal status with Xiaolin, and was not qualified to ask her to listen to me. Moreover, although I was more familiar with business than her, yet I still had half–baked knowledge of many problems and was not far better than her at work. However, I always insisted that I was right and asked others to listen to me. When there was something that didn’t align with my opinions, I would be impulsive and expose my naturalness, bringing others harm and misery and leaving myself in worry and agony. Thinking of these, I felt very uncomfortable in my heart, and felt so much sorry for Xiaolin. Meanwhile, I also sensed that my arrogant disposition was too hateful and I was too irrational. In reality, God’s disposition is best, and His humbleness is worthy of my imitation. I was determined to practice the truth and transform my arrogant disposition.

Later on, I was active to chat with Xiaolin and made an apology to her. Seeing her keeping silent for a while, I felt very embarrassed and thought that since I apologized to you, you should accept it quickly. However, I immediately recalled God’s words that I had read before: “Of the disposition God reveals, there is not the slightest ounce of disagreement, arrogance, or self-rightness. …” Now, although I apologized to her, yet the hurt that my behavior had brought to her before, could not be repaired with a word. Furthermore, I wanted to ask her to accept my apology and forgive me at once. Such apology carried a requirement and was unreasonable, and all that I revealed was still the arrogant disposition. After having this knowledge, I calmed down. When speaking to Xiaolin again, I could stand in an equal position with her, and step by step we recovered the normal relationship.

I thought back to the past. When I got along with people around me and disagreed with them, sometimes I would restrain my expression and tone, but I was not willing to deny and relinquish myself, and I still felt upset and miserable within. Once I wreaked my feelings, I wouldn’t be happy with others, feeling miserable in my heart. And I always sulked about one word of disagreement, which not only made me feel miserable but hurt others as well. Thank God for His guidance. Nowadays, I have found the root of getting angry just for one word of disagreement, and meanwhile, I have the path to solve the problem. Now when encountering a matter, as soon as I realize that I reveal arrogance again, I will consciously pray to God, learn to deny and humble myself, and hear more advice from others. Gradually my relationship with people who surround me becomes more and more normal. All the glory be to God!

Jesus Christ is God Himself. The Holy Father, the Holy Son, and the Holy Spirit, They are One. We can know from the bible verses, the Lord Jesus said, “he that has seen me has seen the Father….” (John 14:9) “I am in the Father, and the Father in me….” (John 14:10) “I and my Father are one” (John 10:30).